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Sex and Relationships Education Minisite

Delay

Helping young people resist pressure to have early sex has always been a key part of the strategy to reduce unintended teenage pregnancy. Delay is intended to strengthen the skills of professionals and others working with young people to enable them to facilitate discussion of these pressures in a way that helps young people to think through the issues and make their own choices. It is not intended to replace the current evidence-based approach to giving young people the knowledge and skills they need to make informed choices in relation to sex and relationships. It is also important to note that Delay is entirely different to abstinence programmes that promote no sex until marriage.

                                                                                                       The Delay Programme
                                                                                                       Copyright: Jo Adams

Delay is…

  • Supporting young people to make choices about sex that feel right for them and helping them to decide when they are really ready
  • Giving them the skills to say ‘no’ to pressure they come under to have sex, e.g. from peers, boy/girlfriends, the media and cultural assumptions
  • Ensuring all young people have access to excellent SRE offering the space to grow in emotional awareness, in understanding of themselves and others, in self-esteem as well as teaching about the more ‘mechanical’ issues such as contraception, how to use condoms properly and how to access services and support
  • Giving young people friendship skills so they can meet many of their social and emotional needs through friends rather than looking to sex to deliver this
  • Balancing the message that it’s fine to delay sex until it’s a positive decision with good, accurate information and the skills to negotiate sex when they do choose to take this step
  • Discussing with young people what makes a good relationship and how to explore non-sexual ways of being intimate and close to someone
  • Understanding that many young people we work with won’t be having sex – in fact the majority under 16 won’t – and some won’t be happy with the sex they are having, and making this clear in how we work with them
  • Being clear that this is relevant to all young people – heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual and questioning
  • Giving the message that sex isn’t a treadmill – you can get off and just because you’ve already had sex doesn’t mean you have to go on – you can take time for yourself and stop for a while till you know you’re ready
  • AND ….alongside all of this providing excellent high-quality sexual health services and support which enable young people to access condoms, contraception, emergency contraception, abortion and support for choices about sexuality – as well as a place to talk about relationships, sex and sexuality – as well as their right to say ‘no’.

Why does early sex happen?

  • Young people over-estimating how many of their peers are sexual
  • In the hope of it delivering other things
  • Low self-esteem
  • Cultural pressures and assumptions
  • Lack of excellent SRE from an early age

…but high levels of regret

Regret is a major issue for young people:

  • 67% young men
  • 84% young women
  • who had sex aged 13 and 14 wished they had waited

RU Ready? Checklist

  • Do you feel you could say no if you wanted to but still want to do it?
  • Can you have fun together without anything sexual involved?
  • Do you each want it for yourself, not for the other person or to fit in with friends or others’ expectations of you?
  • Are you certain nobody’s forcing you, pressuring you or coercing you?
  • Have you and your partner discussed using condoms and contraception, agreed what happens next and whether or not to tell your friends afterwards and talked about the implications if you become pregnant?
  • You aren’t really ready for sex until you can tick all of these boxes.
  • But remember – even if you are, it still doesn’t mean you have to.
  • It’s your choice and no-one else’s.

Ten practical strategies to help young people delay sex

  • Address and build strong friendship skills
  • Build a sense of rights, self-esteem and aspirations
  • Offer drama, excitement and alternatives to sex
  • Address gender issues and do boys' work
  • Develop assertiveness skills, strategies for dealing with pressure and lines to say “No”
  • Ensure excellent SRE and peer education including condoms, contraception, how to access services and lots of work on relationships

Work imaginatively with parents

  • Give young people ‘trigger’ thoughts
  • Work on sensuality and the senses
  • Give young people the whole picture

Can we do it? - yes we can!

Some ways in which we can integrate Delay Messages into all our work...

  • “I’m just wondering where you are in all of this?”
  • Share the handout of “lines we can take as workers” with our teams and colleagues
  • Always mention the right to say no in sexual health services publicity materials, e.g. via the Condom Card Scheme etc.
  • Roll out the “RU READY?” checklist
  • “I’m very precious and very special”
  • Ensure any staff training on SRE or sexual health services or related issues includes work on integrating delay messages into practice

These approaches can be taken in many work areas including PSHE sessions, sexual health services, youth and community work and care settings.

Whatever we do we should not see Delay as just attendance at a Delay Training course (although they are excellent) but how we go about creating a whole school ethos that has these messages embedded in its fabric. 

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